Because Nobody Gave Him a Proper Goodbye

Our Tribute to Tom

Thomas Scott Avchen

May 26, 1952 — August 19, 2024

We moved here knowing 3 people, Tom wasn’t one of them. Finding real connection wasn’t easy at mid-life, but we had been here many times on vacation and we were ecstatic to find our house. It was the perfect house for us.

Although life here had a tiny feel of suburbia, nothing feels too suburban in Gulfport, Florida. We were happy to find a solid structure in the land of frequent hurricanes, on a pretty quiet street with stunning live oaks everywhere.

Walking our 3 pups one afternoon, we heard music coming from a house a few doors down from us, a small nondescript white house with a very small green car in the driveway. We walked by a few days later, and noticed a tall thin man was outside in his yard tending to his black-eyed Susans. His yard was a bit of ‘messy eclectic’ in appearance but one he took great pride in. My partner yelled out to him something about his guitar playing and his rendition of Tom Petty, quickly getting his attention.

He walked down his driveway to speak, asking my partner if he played the guitar, and before anyone could respond, I said no, he builds them. And this is how we all became acquainted first as neighbors and eventually as friends. I don’t use that word lightly, Tom was a friend.

About Tom:

We learned from our conversations that he had two small brain tumors that were not expected to grow, but did cause him challenges from time to time. Tom was very intelligent and an articulate speaker who kept current with news and the political climate. He could converse with you on most topics.

A very talented and passionate musician, he spent hours alone in his house playing one of ten or more guitars. It helped me to know Tom had a hobby he loved enough that being alone wasn’t an issue for him. He would often stop by our workshop to play some of the guitars Tim built and check in to see how we were.

Tom could occasionally be funny and a bit animated, yet he was also self aware enough to realize when he was feeling challenged or a bit challenging :). What do I mean by challenging? Tom loved his craft beer and his wine, and sometimes it took the edge off the affects of living with two brain tumors. It was sometimes a challenge for those in his company. I recall a night he came by for drinks, and his dancing scared one of our dogs a little. That’s okay, that was Tom. He later left us a gift of wine on our porch for knowing he maybe had one beer too many.

When Irma was headed our way, we evacuated to keep our family safe and my sister less anxious. After the storm came through the first person we heard from was Tom to let us know our home was safe and no trees were on the house. This was one of many ways his sweetness showed up. We left a gift card in his mailbox for his kindness, and what did Tom do? He bought us a gift to thank us for our gift.

Right up until the day he went to the hospital the first time, he had a habit of running down the driveway to take a quick photo of us with our 3 dogs. He did this often, it was the sweetest thing. He was a kind and sweet soul, that’s the best way I can really describe his heart.

The word Tenacious comes to mind. Tom lived a long time with these brain tumors, he also took care of his elderly mom who lived at a nearby beach, saw her almost every day, brought her baked goods most weekend. He was a treasure for her. His siblings live in other states, but Tom was religious about his visits with her. He had a regular tennis partner and played frequently, rode his bike to a lot of places, and spent a lot of time working in his yard.

One of his brain tumors started to grow even though he was told it wouldn’t get any larger. It affected all the things you need to live a sweet and active life. It started by taking his eyesight, then his cognitive abilities and his balance. This may have been the hardest thing I had to watch.

His brother and sister visited a few times, and then Tom quietly left this earth while in an assisted living center. His house still sits, his little ‘green bullet’ car still sits, and we feel saddened every time we walk by.

You were one of the best, Tom, and you deserved to be written about and to be honored by those who knew and loved you. I know you’re out of misery, and I also know how much you loved life and music and people.

Thank you, Tom

please share … Tom deserved to feel seen and heard 🎸